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Coping Strategies For Life After A Divorce
A marriage when breaks and divorce becomes inevitable it isn’t an easy step for either spouse whether or not they wanted it to happen. Whatever things might have gone wrong a sense of failure, guilt and heart break is always associated with a divorce.
Old memories of love, commitment and companionship which were made for a lifetime all have come to an end and this often leads to a sense of despair, loss and loneliness and may also force the divorcee into depression. A divorce means a big change in life and when there are kids it’s even harder to face and deal with the situation.
However, life is filled with happy as well as unfortunate events and feeling joy for happy events and grieved for sad events are normal human reactions. Some of us may be better equipped to handle stressful and unfortunate happenings while others may not be so well equipped. Therefore learning ways to cope or coping strategies to deal with a divorce can combat the stress and feelings of despair to a great extent.
General withdrawal symptoms after divorce
No relation is devoid of ups and downs; but a marriage inevitably crumbles into a divorce if either or both partners are unwilling to understand and adjust or if there comes a time that though both the partners had tried hard they just don’t find a way to become compatible. It is then that a divorce happens to get relief from constant fights and problems; the couple may feel at that time that only a divorce is the solution for their own peace and freedom.
Once the divorce gets done with and the whole ordeal may seem over the real challenges may just begin. Either spouse may find it difficult to adjust to the new situation and may keep turning back to what possibly went wrong; they may blame the ex-spouse or even the self. Somewhere in the heart the new divorcee may miss his or her ex-spouse.
A sense of loss and failure may prevail and a common reaction is to harbor negative feelings towards marriage or a new relationship. Anxiety is a common reaction especially with women who may feel insecure about their future and also a fear of dealing with loneliness. If there are kids the situation gets worse as the individual has to help the kids also with the new situation.
Lack of sleep and fatigue may set in due to emotional and mental draining; lack of motivation, loss of interest in anything and a prevailing sense of pessimism may be a common reaction pattern for a while. Above every other issue is the challenge of dealing with loneliness; the lost sense of togetherness and also coping to social issues of divorce may take a good toll on the divorcee.
These reactions are common after a divorce but each individual has their unique styles of coping to difficult situations and gradually coming out of it to begin life afresh. But there may be cases where the healing doesn’t happen with much time and they should seek professional help or else they may go into severe depression.
Healing through a process of grieving
With a divorce all that started with a beautiful set of feelings and emotions come to an end; all the shared memories and moments of togetherness get lost. A person may naturally feel that all the emotions and feelings got wasted as the marriage didn’t last.
A very important aspect of healing is to face the situation by not turning face from the reality; let the feelings and emotions overcome you and cry as much as you want as grieving can only purge the mind from the heaviness and paves the way for a new, healthy beginning. Frustration, stress and conflicting feelings may accompany the healing through grieving process. Take enough support from close friends and loved ones; don’t turn away from whatever good relations you share with others because one relation has failed.
Common mistakes after a divorce
In order to combat loneliness and stress a new divorcee may seek companionship in untrustworthy people; indulge in unhealthy activities like frequent sexual encounters with strangers and substance abuse. For such behaviors the individual may repent later on or feel ashamed. There may be tendencies to spend excessively or extra pamper the self to gain back self confidence. But these are only temporary relief as once the sense of reality comes back the realization of futility in such activities sets in.
Coping with the divorce and starting a new life
Start beginning to see the brighter side of things; try to understand that the marriage only brought unhappiness and there was no sense in pulling it along. Start appreciating the better things that has come with becoming single once again; there is freedom of choice and space. The whole world with its various promises is waiting to be discovered and to accept whatever good happens should be the right attitude.
After the initial frustration and adjustment to divorce the phase of acceptance and getting along with the reality comes. The right attitude is to keep the self busy in work and meaningful activities, seek support from family and friends, make new friends and explore new things and places. A lot many things open up which the individual couldn’t pursue while he or she was married can be pursued now.
Don’t immediately get into another relationship or think about marriage; give yourself some time to think logically what could have gone wrong and how such things can be taken care of in a new relation. Let the mind get rearranged and start moving on as life doesn’t stop with any unfortunate event. If there are kids give them more time and redefine your relation with them and everybody else who matters to you. Begin pampering yourself by going for a new look or may be discovering new creative ideas.
Follow a healthy lifestyle and take good care of the self. Don’t blame yourself and do take pride in whatever you do; appreciate yourself and remind the self that you are precious for many people. Take the divorce as a learning experience and get wiser for future. Seeking professional help is absolutely alright and looking forward to the many opportunities can promise a new beginning.